dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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