The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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