I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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