I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
