youre lurking in front of me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
