vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
