I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
