I skipped work to stalk him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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