she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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