I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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