If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize