i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
50% drunk capacity currently
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
