Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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