i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
