oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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