It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
