My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
