guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
