Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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