I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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