How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
