Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
