something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
