Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
