As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
