Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
