he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Floor bacon is actually really good
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
