No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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