its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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