I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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