I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
