So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
