I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
