Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
