butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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