Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
