that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
