I'm lost and stupid without you.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
