every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize