i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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