Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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