i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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