Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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