she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
