I faked an abortion last night.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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