The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My pussy is not your playground.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
