When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
