He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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