Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
