I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
