she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
