Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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