When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
