i think my tv is drunk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
two words...techno handjob
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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