I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
