Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize