I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
