Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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