Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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