i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
tell me about the eggs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
