I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
