who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
