What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
