He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
