Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
