I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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