Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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