Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
