is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
