i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize