Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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