Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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