he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
