I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
